정의구현사제단! 나 같이 길 잃은 어린양이나 계도해라. - 자유논객연합 :: 논객넷

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정의구현사제단! 나 같이 길 잃은 어린양이나 계도해라.

작성자:

탈존

조회: 4246 등록일: 2017-02-16

내가 도무지 이해하지 못하는 종교인들이 있다. 천주교의 정의구현사제단이라는 자들과 조계종의 정치승려, 그리고 이명박 시대에 정당을 차리겠다며 설치던 목사들이다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>어렸을 때부터 철학과 종교에 매료되어 정신적 방황을 많이 했던 나로서는 종교인들이 나 같은 길 잃은 양, 혹은 중생들의 영적 안내를 팽개치고 정치판에 뛰어들어 오물을 튕기는 이유를 알 수 없다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>중학교 때 아버지가 실직하시면서 불어 닥친 가난에 고학으로 일관했던 내 입장에서는 실존주의 철학에 빠져들어 염세적인 관념을 지니게 되었고 그래서 필연적으로 세상 모든 생명체가 왜 태어나는지, 왜 살아야 하는지가 의문이었었다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>그 의문을 풀고자 중고교, 대학시절에는 성서 신구약을 소설 읽듯 통독하는가 하면 고승들께서 번역하신 금강경이니 법화경, 화엄경 등을 실존주의 서적들과 함께 탐독하기도 했었다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>나는 가톨릭 신자면서도 종교가 없다고 말해왔다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>분명 세례를 받은 바 있고 성실한 신자로서 살았던 적도 있지만 정의구현사제단들의 행패와 그들을 보고만 있는 천주교회의 행태를 보며 혹시 예수님을 신봉하는 것이 아니라 사탄을 신봉하는 집단이 천주교가 아닐까 하는 의문에 냉담하고 있어서 그리 말하는 건 아니다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>그건 아직 나의 신앙은 현재진행형일 뿐, 어떤 종파의 교리에 정체된 것이 아니기 때문이다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>중, 고교 때 내가 알았던 하느님(神)은 사랑의 신이 아니라 마귀魔鬼 같은 존재였었다. 너무나 가난해서 고단한 삶을 살아야 했던 그 시절의 중학생들은 누구나 절대적인 유아독존으로 영생불사하는 존재의 지루함을 느낌 정도로는 알고 있을 만큼 정신적으로 성숙成熟해 있었기에.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>그래서 신의 장난감으로 만든 것이 세상이요, 인간이라고 생각했었다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>중학교 때, 그리스신화에 매료되었던 정도의 철학적 관심으로 신앙심이라고는 전혀 없이 소설 읽듯 통독했던 성서, 특히 구약舊約내용이 그랬었다. 
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>그렇지 않은가.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>하느님이 아담과 하와에게 생명을 받겠느냐, 의사타진을 해보고 창조했을 리 없었을 터. 당시 나의 염세적厭世的 사고방식은 사전에 우리 아버지가 내게 태어나겠느냐 물었으면 절대로 ‘아니요!’라고 대답했을 것이 분명하다는 거다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>그러니 당연하게도 내게 있어서 고통과 슬픔만의 대명사인 생명을 창조한 하느님이 저주의 대상이요, 투쟁의 대상일 수밖에 없었다. 내가 죽어야 신의 구속으로부터 벗어날 수 있다는 생각에 청소년 때에는 두 번에 걸쳐 자살을 기도하기도 했었다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>그러던 내게 베트남에서 삶과 죽음이 오가는 전투를 치르면서 하느님에 대한 인식에 중대한 변화가 오게 된다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>수많은 전투 속에 피아간에 부상당하거나 죽어가는 생명들을 보며 느낀 것은 하느님은 세상일에 간섭하지 않는다는 거였다. 간섭조차 하지 않는 하느님이 보고 즐기는 장난감 용도로 인간을 만들지는 않았을 거라는 자각이었다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>여전히 세상을 창조하여야할 이유를 발견할 수 없었으나 분명한 건 하느님이란 존재는 어느 쪽 편을 들어주거나 미워하지 않는다는 거였다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>짜빈동 격전 후, 떠오르는 태양이 피아의 시신을 가리지 않고 골고루 햇빛을 나눠주던 광경에 충격을 받으면서 얻은 느낌이었다. 글쎄, 이걸 보고 사탄도 하느님의 일부라고 생각했다면 문제가 있는 걸까?
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>‘신神은 없다! 내가 저주하고 도전했던 신이란 내가 만든 허상에 불과했다!’ 
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>결국 무신론자無神論者로 변해버린 나는 부상당하여 후송되었고 군 제대 후 국가유공자라고 국가에서 학비를 대주는 덕분에 시험을 치러 입학한 대학생활 내내 고학을 하면서도 불경에 심취하게 된다. 어쨌든 불교에서는 유일신이라는 개념이 없다고 생각했었으니까.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>솔직하게 말한다면 불경에 심취했더라도 뭐, 그리 대단하게 많이 아는 건 아니다. 학교 내 불교 동아리 회원들과 함께 고작, 금강경金剛經과 화엄경華嚴經, 법화경法華經을 놓고 엄청 씨름했는데 불경이니, 공안公案이니, 화두話頭니 하는 게 논리로 골 싸맨다고 접근할 수 있는 게 아니라는 걸 꾀나 긴 시간이 지난 후에야 알아차릴 수 있었다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>근기根機를 타고나지 못했으니 당연한 결과겠지만 쓸데없는 짓 하느라 시간만 낭비하다가 대학을 마치고 사회라는 곳에 던져지고 말았다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>그게, 불경을 읽으면서 공空입네, 뭅無네, 상相입네, 어쩌고, 저쩌고를 머리로나마 이해할 수 있을 것도 같았지만 중학교 때 읽었던 성서로부터 완전하게 해방되지는 못했었던 것 같다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>유일신에 대한 향수가 남아있어서 그랬다고 하기보다는 어쩐지 우주가 돌아가는 원리를 볼 때마다 내 머리로는 감히 짐작조차 할 수 없을 만큼 과학적이더라는 거다. 때로는 윤회輪回라는 불교 교리에 모순을 느끼면서도 우주의 존재법칙과 자연의 먹이사슬의 오묘한 역학관계 등, 자연의 순환에서는 모순을 느낄 수 없었으니까.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>불구不具된 처지에 아예 포기했던 결혼이라는 걸 서른여섯 노총각으로 운 좋게(?) 하게 됐는데, 하필이면 처가가 지독한 가톨릭 집안이었다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>집사람은 그런대로 내 성품을 이해하는 편이어서 신앙에 관한 강요 따위는 하지 않았지만 장모님은 생각이 달랐던 모양이다. 일요일만 되면 우리 집에 와서 나를 끌고 성당이라는 곳으로 데려갔다. 아마도 장모님에게는 하느님의 종이기를 거부하는 내가 사탄쯤으로 보였던 게 틀림없다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>그런데 신부, 수녀님들과 이야기를 나누다보니 나 스스로 창조했던 추악한 하느님과 가톨릭에서 말하는 사랑의 하느님이 전혀 다르다는 걸 느끼기 시작했다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>글쎄, 신부님들과 이야기를 나눠서 그리된 건 아니겠지만 글자로 읽었던 성서를 상징으로 읽기 시작하면서 예전에 미처 보지 못했던 이면세계를 보기 시작했다고 할까. 아마도 불경을 읽으면서 애써 머리를 굴렸던 경험이 성서 읽는 방법을 바꾸게 했는지도 모른다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>원래부터 궁금증은 도무지 참지 못하는 내 성품이 급기야 교리공부를 하게 만들고야 말았다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>누군가 밥조차 소화시켜주길 바랄만큼 개으르다가도 한번 시작했다하면 뿌리를 뽑아버리는 근성根性 때문인지 거의 일 년 걸리는 교리공부시간에 단 한 번도 결석하지 않았으니 가르쳐 주시던 수녀님은 괜찮은 신자信者 하나 건졌다고 생각했을지도 모른다. 뭐, 착각은 자유라니까.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>그래도 영세를 받기 전에 내가 해야 할 일이 있었다. 워낙 오랫동안 적개심으로 대립해왔던 하느님과 화해부터 하고 영세를 받던가 말든가 해야 하지 않겠는가.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>교리교육을 받는 성당에 하느님과 화해하겠노라 들어서는 마음 참으로 복잡하기 이를 데 없었다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>조물주에게 고개 숙이기 싫다는 자존심 때문이 아니었다. 영세를 받겠노라 결심했음에도 성당에서 가르쳤듯 조물주의 종이라고 생각해본 적이 없었기 때문도 아니었다. 정작 영세를 앞둔 나만의 마지막 화해의식에 의문이 있었기 때문이었다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>‘여기에 무엇이 있는 걸까. 무엇이 있기에 그렇게나 많은 사람들이 하느님을 믿겠노라 순교殉敎의 길을 택할 수 있었던 것일까. 하느님이 주신 생의 본능마저 자신의 믿음을 증명하기 위해 포기하게 할 만큼 막강한 힘을 지닌 존재, 그는 도대체 어떤 존재란 말인가. 그런 용기를 지닐 수 있는 신앙이란 과연 무엇일까.’
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>순교하려면 전쟁터에서 목숨 걸고 싸우는 병사들과는 또 다른, 아니, 훨씬 대단한 용기가 필요할 것이다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>전쟁터의 병사들에게는 희망이라도 있다. 상대를 먼저 쓰러뜨리면 내가 산다는. 어쩌면 ‘적탄이 나는 피할 거야.’라는 막연한 믿음이 돌격명령을 수행하게 하는지도 모른다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>철없던 청소년 시절, 자살을 두 번씩이나 시도했었지만 이해할 수 없는 상황으로 실패했던 내가 자살의 심리를 왜 모르겠는가. 반쯤은 정신착란에 빠진 상태가 아니면 자살을 시도하기 어렵다는 게 내 경험이었다. 자살이야말로 특별한 용기가 필요치 않을지도 모른다는 게 내 생각이다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>그런데 순교자들은 100%의 죽음을 확신하면서도 웃어?
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>이런! 이런! 천당 간다는 확신이 있어서? 아니면 부활할 게 틀림없다는 믿음이 강해서? 그건, 죽으면 그만이라고 생각해왔던 내가 이해할 수 있는 세계가 아니었다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>성당 문을 열고 들어섬과 동시에 내 눈앞에 제일 먼저 들어온 제대祭臺 뒤 벽면에 예수가 십자가에 매달린 고상苦像.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>‘저것이 무엇인가.’
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>맨 앞줄 장궤長跪 틀에 자리 잡은 나는 매주 일요일마다 봐 왔던 고상에서 새삼스럽게도 시선을 뗄 수 없었다. 십자가에 매달려 심장이 터지는 고통을 감내하며 인간 구원을 위한 대속희생代贖犧牲의 방편으로 죽어갔다는 저 사람은 참사람으로 세상에 나오신 하느님의 아들이라 하였다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>하긴, 참사람이 아니라면 예수님의 가치는 없을게다. 그러하기에 자신을 십자가에 매단 자들까지도 용서하라 기도하며 숨진 것이겠지. 그렇게 대속희생을 해야 할 목적으로 세상에 왔기에 숨이 끊어지기 전에 ‘다 이루었다!’ 만족했단 말인가.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>‘인간을 창조하지 않았으면 될 일을. 차라리 혼자 그렇게 존재했으면 편했을 일을 하느님은 무엇 때문에 인간을 창조했을까. 내가 만든 물건이 잘못되었으면 부숴버리면 그만. 무엇 때문에 피조물들의 타락을 구원하기 위해 삼위일체三位一體 분신 중의 하나인 자기 아들을 인간으로 세상에 보내어 저런 희생을 치르게 한 것일까.’
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>그렇게 성당에 들어선 것이 밤을 새우고 있었던가보다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>퇴근하고 들른 성당에 창문으로 먼동이 터옴에도 그걸 느끼지 못하고 있었었다. 10여 시간을 장궤틀에 꿇어 앉아 생각을 거듭하였음에도 여전히 조물주와 화해를 이루어내지 못하고 있었던 거다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>그러나 나는 다시금 하느님과 갈등을 불러일으킬 목적으로 온 것이 아니었다. 30년이 넘도록 반항했으면 신에 대한 도전은 그것으로 충분할 것이었다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>따라서 지금 이 순간 내가 지녀야 할 마음가짐은 의문이 아니라 하느님의 뜻을 이해하고 화해를 청하는 일이하고 생각했었다. 그리하여 마음 속 깊이 도사리고 있는 원한과 곡해와 저주를 스스로 풀어내야만 했다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>“나는 당신의 종으로서 여기에 오지 않았습니다. 당신과 대화하고자 왔습니다. 나는 도대체 무엇입니까?”
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>내 마음이 너무나 절실했었다. 나에게 교리를 가르쳤던 신부님이 성당 한쪽 편에 서서 조용히 나를 바라보고 있음을 인지하지 못할 만큼 진지한 마음이었다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>역시 신은 응답應答을 피하는가. 아무도 나의 질문에 대답해 주는 존재가 없었다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>신이란 무엇인가?
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>묻는 순간, 나는 야훼라 알고 있었던 조물주에 대해 아무것도 모르고 있음을 깨달았다. 그를 한 번도 본 적이 없었고 그의 말씀을 들어본 적도 없었다. 그를 알고 있다고 확신했던 것은 성서를 읽어 인지하고 있는 것뿐.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>그 또한 인간의 손으로 쓰인 글에 불과하지 않은가. 그조차 내 정신수준의 한계 내에서 이해하고 있을 뿐, 성서에서 가르치고자 하는 의미를 모두 받아들였다고 자신할 수 없었다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>더구나 성서기자들 역시 인간. 아무리 하느님의 영감을 받아 기술했더라도 자신의 정신수준을 뛰어넘을 수는 없었을 터. 하느님의 말씀이라지만 불완전한 인간을 통해 전달된 성서를 보고 하느님을 평가해?
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>나는 혼란에 빠지고 말았다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>직장에서 부하 직원들이 지시사항을 곡해曲解하는 일이 하도 잦아서 하루는 직원 전원을 불러놓고 단 두 마디 지시를 한 적이 있었다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>“자, 내가 지시한 내용을 각자 인식한 대로 말해봐.”
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>지시 후 1분도 지나기 전에 지시 내용을 되물었더니 십여 명 부하들의 인지도가 모두 제각각이었던 경험이 있었다. 그런 것이 인간의 언어다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>‘성서 또한 인간이 기록해 놓은 것.’
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>그랬다. 하느님이 이스라엘 민족과 계약을 맺었을 때나 2천 년 전 예수가 세상에 태어났을 때, 그 당시 인간들의 정신적인 수준에 맞추어 그들의 언어 개념으로 가르쳤던 것을 현대인들에게 그대로 적용하고 있을 것이었다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>수없이 많은 세월이 흐르면서 언어 개념이란 변화하게 되어 있는 것. 더구나 엄선된 내용만을 집대성한 성서 외에도 그 몇 배 분량의 외경外經들을 볼 수 있는 사람들은 따로 정해져 있다지 않은가.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>‘나는 수천 년 전 사람들이 기록해 놓은, 그것도 수없이 많은 번역을 거쳐 전달되어 온 글을, 더구나 숨겨진 외경의 내용조차 읽은 적이 없으면서 내게 허용된 글만 읽고는 하느님을 멋대로 판단하고 있었어.’
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>그것은 하느님과의 직접 교통에 의해 얻어진 인식이 아니었다. 인간의 글로 쓰인 성서와 특별한 권한을 지닌 사제라는 직함의 인간들을 통해 얻어들은 지식에 불과했다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>‘나는 과연, 무엇을 원망했는가?’
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>하느님을 원망 한다 믿으면서 어쩌면 교리나 예배당을 원망했을지도 모를 일이었다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>암흑시대暗黑時代라 불리는 중세 교회의 뜻이 과연 하느님의 뜻이었을까?
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>자신들의 권력에 방해되는 자들을 마녀사냥 식 제거 대상으로 몰아가면서 이를 하느님의 뜻이라 빙자憑藉했던 인간들을 원망했던 것을 하느님을 원망 한다 착각했던 것은 아니었을까?
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>대부분의 중세시대 사제司祭들처럼 추악한 권력욕을 지닌 존재가 아니라면 하느님이 희생당하는 죄 없는 민중을 보고만 있었던 뜻이 무엇일까. 종교개혁宗敎改革운동이 이들에 대한 조물주의 단죄였던 것일까.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>인간들은 하느님을 빙자해 왔다. 정권을 얻기 위해, 혹은 그렇게 얻어진 권력을 유지하기 위해 온갖 감언이설에 명분을 붙여 혹세무민하기를 일삼는 정치권 인사들과 교계敎界가 다른 것이 무엇일까.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>‘결국, 나 자신도 그에 다르지 않거늘!’
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>중세 사제들을 비난하기에 앞서, 조물주에 대한 나의 반항 역시 자신의 욕심을 채우지 못한 불만의 표출에 다름 아니었다는 깨우침이 뇌리를 때리고 지나갔다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>‘남들은 잘 먹고 잘사는데 왜 나만 굶주림에 고통스러워해야 하는가.’
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>‘남들 모두 좋은 부모 잘 만나 편안하게 공부 잘하는데 왜 나는 매질하는 아버지를 만나 고달프게 고학을 해야 하는가?’
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>‘나보다 돌대가리들도 대학만 잘 가는데 왜 나는 합격해 놓고도 진학을 포기해야 하는가.’
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>그 모든 불만의 원인을 조물주에게 돌리고 그를 원망하고 저주함으로써 스스로 위안을 삼았음에 지나지 않을 것이었다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>‘도대체 나는 누구를 원망하고 저주했단 말인가. 친구들과 화해하자 하면서도 내 마음부터 먼저 비우지 않으면 진정한 화해가 이루어지지 않거늘…….’
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>조물주의 응답을 얻자면 나 자신의 마음을 비워야만 할 것이다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>어느 순간부터였을까.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>내 마음 깊은 곳으로부터 도저히 막아낼 수 없을 만큼 엄청난 소용돌이가 일기 시작했다. 그것은 봇물이 터져 나오듯 쏟아져 나오는 질의문답質疑問答이었다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>“나는 조물주의 노예인가?”
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>「내가 언제 그대를 노예라 했는가. 내가 언제 네 인생에 간섭한 적 있는가. 그 역시 너의 생각이었을 뿐.」
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>“사람이 살아야 할 이유가 무엇인가? 조물주는 왜 만물을 창조했는가. 이렇게 고통스러운 세상을 살아야 할 이유가 무엇인가.”
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>「너 스스로 그렇게 살았을 뿐. 내가 고통스럽게 살라 하지 않았다. 내가 언제 나의 종이 되라 했던가. 너희들 스스로 그렇게 자처했을 뿐. 너의 고민 역시 생명이 있기에 할 수 있는 것. 너희에게 자유의지를 주어 어떤 삶이든 스스로 선택하라고 하지 않았더냐. 너희를 창조한 이유를 물었는가? 이미 알고 있는 줄 알았는데.」
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>“지옥과 천당, 그것은 협박이 아닌가?”
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>「내가 세상이요, 너희 모두인데 무엇이 아쉬워 너희를 협박 하겠는가? 내가 천당과 지옥을 말한 적이 있더냐? 그건 너희들이 스스로 만든 환영幻影일 뿐. 너희들이 읽는 성서 어디에 지옥을 언급했던가.」
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>“아담과 하와를 창조해야 할 이유가 무엇인가?”
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>「너희들은 그걸 창조라 하느냐? 나는 나 자신을 나타나게 했을 뿐.」
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>어쩌면 내 얼굴에 땀방울이 송골송골 맺혀지고 있었을 거다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>그건 자문자답이었다. 그날 그 자리에서, 그 순간에 이르러, 나는 비로소 자신의 마음을 일단이나마 보고 있었다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>평생을 저주하며 살아왔다 믿었던 조물주는 끝내 내가 기대했던 모습으로 눈앞에 모습을 드러내지 않았다. 오직, 나의 자기반성自己反省에 의한 자문자답이었을 뿐.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>끝없이 이어지는 자문자답을 그대로 유지하면서 나는 힘겹게 장궤틀에서 일어섰었다. 조물주에 대한 애증愛憎이 사라졌다 확신할 수는 없었으나 최소한 그로부터 해답을 들을 수는 있는 방법을 찾은 것이 분명했다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>어느 순간 정신을 차려 자신의 인생을 되돌아보니, 실패로만 인식되었었던 내 인생이 오히려 성공을 거두고 있었다. 비록 고학이었다고는 하나 대학까지 졸업할 수 있었고 무엇보다도 적성에 맞는 일을 원 없이 할 수 있었다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>하지만 나의 변화는 자문자답이었을 뿐, 조물주의 대답은 들을 수 없었다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>‘조물주는 역시 울지 않는 종鐘이었어.’
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>성당 문을 밀고 나가는 내 마음속에서 한 가지 깨우침이 일고 있었다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>「내가 너와 다르지 않거늘 너는 어떤 종이 울려주기를 바라는가?」
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>이런 과정을 거친 나의 신앙은 한동안 깊이 있게 들어가는 듯 했었다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>그러나 성서와 불경, 실존주의 철학으로 혼탁해진 나의 광범위한 지식은 오히려 진정한 신앙을 방해하는 요인이 되었던 것 같다. 영세 받고 몇 년 간 새벽미사를 거르지 않을 만큼 열심이었지만 성서와 교리敎理 간에 충돌하는 모순에 흔들릴 수밖에 없었다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>더구나 신약성서를 이해함에 있어서 금강경의 설법이 섞여들어 혼란스럽기 짝이 없었다. 무엇보다도 가장 힘겨웠던 것이 신에게 인격人格을 부여하는 논리였다. 내 느낌과 교회의 가르침에 너무나 큰 격차가 있었던 거다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>그러던 중에 정의구현사제단 신부가 우리 성당 주임신부로 오면서부터 종교, 즉 교회에 대해 의구심을 지니게 되었다. 어쩐지 하느님을 믿는 것이 아니라 교리를 믿는 듯 혼란에 빠져버린 것이다. 성직자들을 가까이 할수록 오히려 하느님과 멀어질지도 모른다는 건방진 생각에서 벗어날 수 없었다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>그만큼 정의구현사제단 소속 신부님의 사회참여 논리가 하느님의 가르침과 멀게 보였던 것이다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>결국 영세 받은 지 5년 여 만에 냉담이 시작되었다. 성당에 발걸음을 하지 않았던 것이다. 그렇다고 하느님을 부정하거나 항거하는 것은 아니다. 오직 정의구현사제단 사제들의 악에 받친 원한과 교회의 교리에 공감하지 못할 뿐.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>나는 천당에 가거나 아마겟돈Harmagedon 이후 부활하여 영생을 얻고 싶어서 신앙을 지닌 건 아니다. 오히려 아마겟돈 후에 살릴 사람 다시 부활시킨다면 그 부활에서 나는 빼주었으면 하는 사람이다. 말하자면 없었던 상태로 돌아가고 싶다는 거다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>기도 역시 나 자신의 내면으로 들어가, 이미 내 안에 있는 신을 만나는 훌륭한 명상의 시간이 되어 주고 있을 뿐, 뭔가 바라는 게 있어서 구하고자함의 기도가 아니다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>글쎄, 영생하고 싶은 욕심이 없으니 설혹 나의 신앙이 이단일지라도 걱정할 이유가 없는 셈일까. 하긴, 하느님이라는 존재가 야훼로 불리든, 여호와로 불리든, 아니면 공, 무로 불리든 문제될 일 없다는 파행일진데……. 
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>이단을 걱정하지 않는 나의 신관神觀 역시 이단일 수밖에 없다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>나의 신은 인격人格으로 묶을 수 있는 존재가 아니다. 신과 나는 주종관계가 아닌 일체될 수 있는 존재라는 거다. 내가 하느님의 종으로 자처하는 한 결코 하느님을 만날 수 없다고 믿기에.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>  <o:p></o:p>
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>글쎄, 나는 여전히 회계니, 견성이니, 깨달음이니 하는 것들이 뭔지 모르지만 막연하게나마 불교도 역시 부처님 상 앞에서 복을 비는 한 깨달음에 이르지 못할 거라고 생각하게 되는 건 또 무슨 조화인지 모르겠다.
<P style="LINE-HEIGHT: 170%; TEXT-INDENT: 10pt; TEXT-AUTOSPACE: ; mso-pagination: none; mso-padding-alt: 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt 0.0pt; tab-stops: left blank -1301.4pt left blank -1261.4pt left blank -1221.4pt left blank -1181.4pt left blank -1141.4pt left blank -1101.4pt left blank -1061.4pt left blank 40.0pt left blank 80.0pt left blank 120.0pt left blank 160.0pt left blank 200.0pt left blank 240.0pt left blank 280.0pt left blank 320.0pt left blank 360.0pt left blank 400.0pt left blank 440.0pt left blank 480.0pt left blank 520.0pt left blank 560.0pt left blank 600.0pt left blank 640.0pt left blank 680.0pt left blank 720.0pt left blank 760.0pt left blank 800.0pt left blank 840.0pt left blank 880.0pt left blank 920.0pt left blank 960.0pt left blank 1000.0pt left blank 1040.0pt left blank 1080.0pt left blank 1120.0pt left blank 1160.0pt left blank 1200.0pt left blank 1240.0pt left blank 1280.0pt" class=0>정의구현사제단 사제들도 허망한 정치적 악다구니와 원한에서 벗어나 나처럼 영적혼란을 겪고 있는 길 잃은 양을 보살펴주기를 바랄 뿐이다. 더 바랄 게 있다면 이명박 대통령 시절에 정당을 차리겠다던 목사님들도 함께 하느님께로 돌아갔으면 하는 소망이다.

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다음글	개똥홍시 말라삐라 [5]

번호	제목	작성자	조회	등록일
16959	탄핵과 박대통령에 대한 홍준표의 시각	새미래	4261	2017-04-23

16958	이명박, 국민의 뜻이라고? [3]	탈존	4261	2016-12-14

16957	우리도 종북척결에 대해서만큼은 타협 못 한다	운지맨	4260	2019-05-03

16956	홍준표는 바른당 후보로 출마하는 게 정직하다. 벼랑 끝에 매달린 김무성 일 [1]	현산	4260	2017-03-24

16955	2016년 12월31일 이나라에 역사의 새장이 열렸다. 위대하다, “사천구 [7]	장재균	4260	2016-12-31

16954	새누리 웰빙당 선비들에게 고함	청천산수	4260	2016-04-15

16953	미국의 좌익적 매체와 학계 소개	우익대사	4259	2018-09-09

16952	(속보) 서울역 광장 홍준표후보 유세 [1]	장재균	4259	2017-05-06

16951	11월17일 11시 애국시민 100만 헌재 앞에 모여 촛불꺽고 탄핵 무효화 [1]	남자천사	4259	2016-12-17

16950	지구촌 마지막 애환의 땅 南과 北!	최성령	4259	2016-12-11

16949	박근혜 대통령, 6번의 대국민담화와 3번의 대국민사과	과객	4259	2016-11-04

16948	사드배치" 북한때문이란 핑계대지 마라!?~(제목수정) [5]	토함산	4259	2016-07-17

16947	내일은 다른 태양이 떠 오르면 좋겠습니다	최성령	4258	2017-03-26

16946	제 욕심에 신당을 차린 놈들이…….	탈존	4258	2016-12-30

16945	박근혜 대통령, 법리검토 할 것 없다. 즉각 석방하라	운지맨	4257	2019-04-18

16944	태극기는 기필코 촛불을 이깁니다 [2]	최성령	4257	2017-01-20

16943	大朴이 쥔 신의 한 수는 개헌 국민투표다! [1]	진실과 영혼	4257	2016-11-09

16942	촛불에 도취되고 김정은에 빠져 제발등 찍는 치매환자 문재인	남자천사	4256	2019-04-13

16941	서울역 대한애국당 집회 현장 실시간 사진 [2]	조고아제	4256	2018-08-15

16940	김문수 전 경기지사에게 박수를 보낸다. [2]	탈존	4256	2017-09-18

16939	JTBC 손석희의 명백한 조작 보도 [1]	조고아제	4256	2016-12-15

16938	너희가 점령군이냐? - 반란군이지! [1]	진실과 영혼	4256	2016-11-23

16937	광란자들이 날뛰는 것 김대중정권 때처럼	장재균	4256	2016-11-15

16936	모든 언론은 박근혜의 신원(伸冤)을 밝혀야 한다.	산동거사	4255	2022-04-10

16935	대선후보가 넘어지고 당대표는 부상당한 시그널 -哲學	안티다원	4255	2022-01-03

16934	신발열사 정창옥의 오 적 가(五賊歌)	청원	4255	2021-04-22

16933	전두환은 위대한 민주주의자였다 (8부) [1]	정재학	4255	2017-10-13

16932	홍준표 문재인 후보의 인간성 단순명쾌한 비교 [1]	현산	4255	2017-05-06

16931	이것이 대한민국 종북들의 실체이다 ! [4]	안동촌노	4255	2016-12-22

16930	어쩌란 말인가? [3]	아침이슬	4255	2016-12-02

16929	전두환은 위대한 민주주의자였다 4부	정재학	4254	2022-09-30

16928	문정인. 문재인, 돌아가며 트럼프 엿먹이기... [4]	국민검사	4254	2017-06-21

16927	"국정농단 처벌에 관한 특례법" 입법 발의 [3]	최성령	4254	2017-03-25

16926	윤석열 정부 北이 폭파한 남북연락사무소 손배청구 화이팅!	도형	4253	2023-06-15

16925	충격 증언 - 정몽헌 현대회장 타살 의혹 (펌) [1]	과객	4253	2017-06-12

16924	내가 바라는 최고 지도자상은? [5]	아침이슬	4253	2017-03-14

16923	오늘 조선일보 토론마당 조토마에 올린 글입니다.	안동촌노	4253	2017-03-01

16922	벼락 맞을 놈들!!! [1]	산동거사	4253	2016-12-03

16921	박대통령은 미국대통령 당선자 트럼프를 만나라	정창화	4253	2016-11-11

16920	광주5.18, 폭도인가, 북한군인가.	비바람	4252	2019-02-17

16919	떠나는 마음 [7]	아침이슬	4252	2017-03-26

16918	◈ 열려진 판도라의 상자 [1]	푸른산	4252	2017-02-17

16917	[re] 한 사람이라도 더 동참합시다! [1]	아침이슬	4252	2016-11-12

16916	털맨들의 행진	안티다원	4251	2021-04-16

16915	여중일기(1) [4]	정재학	4251	2017-06-15

16914	주소 부탁드립니다 [6]	정재학	4251	2017-03-15

16913	비굴하게 노망든 국가원로"회의가 내린 결론!~미치겠네" [2]	토함산	4251	2016-11-27

16912	17년도 3월 [2]	청천산수	4251	2016-11-24

16911	문재인의 태연·분명한 거짓말에 분통터져 못 살겠다는 국민들	남자천사	4250	2019-04-22

16910	홍준표 복당을 기다린다	선죽교	4249	2021-05-31


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